Things are different in the daylight aren’t they? Especially if you’ve been blinded by your own selfish interests. Change perspectives. It’s not always about me. It takes a big man to admit that they were in the wrong. But I am/was. She’s young. Her life is on a different path to mine. She needs to be 21 for a few years. And all the time I was trying to shoe horn her into my plans for world domination. I didn’t heed the warning signs. I fashioned my own heart break and pushed her away. She’s living the life she must. The life I led in my 20’s. Imagine if I had a 30 something women bearing down on me at that age trying to put a ring on my finger or buy a house. You would run a mile! Urgh! When I think of it like that it makes me nauseous! I’m kinda surprised she stuck around for as long as she did! Yet I made her out to be the bad guy just because she wanted to live a little. I tried to cage a dove. From a different point of view, that must be pretty scary to someone who wants to be carefree. You can’t tie someone down like that. It isn’t fair. Even approaching 35, I’ve clearly still got a lot to learn.
To her endlessly mature credit, a telephone call ensued to explain the situation, and I subsequently find myself in a much better place. It still hurts to know she’s having fun with another guy, but there’s this simple, but oh so powerful word, one that has evaded me for the longest time both with regard to girls, and the death of my parents. Acceptance.
And so I sit, nursing a sore head having fallen off the wagon, about to return to the horse ranch and drop off the grid for a while. But I go safe in the knowledge that things are better. I’ve stopped telling the same stories to gain a validation from strangers to replace my mum and dad. I’ve stopped blaming myself. My hard-drinking days are numbered. I’ve let go. And I’ve let her go too. Maybe one day she might return, but for now I’m happy she’s happy. If you love someone set them free.
For a long time I thought I was ready to find that special girl, but just as much as she’s not ready for a serious relationship, actually neither am I. There’s a lot of work to be done on this human – internally and externally – so I better get cracking. I’m going dark for the next couple of months. Take care of yourselves dear readers. I won’t be the same person when we speak again. Especially if I manage to fall off a horse. Oh the irony.
See you on the other side. I’m going to look for Stu.
The morning after the night before
Things are different in the daylight aren’t they? Especially if you’ve been blinded by your own selfish interests. Change perspectives. It’s not always about me. It takes a big man to admit that they were in the wrong. But I am/was. She’s young. Her life is on a different path to mine. She needs to be 21 for a few years. And all the time I was trying to shoe horn her into my plans for world domination. I didn’t heed the warning signs. I fashioned my own heart break and pushed her away. She’s living the life she must. The life I led in my 20’s. Imagine if I had a 30 something women bearing down on me at that age trying to put a ring on my finger or buy a house. You would run a mile! Urgh! When I think of it like that it makes me nauseous! I’m kinda surprised she stuck around for as long as she did! Yet I made her out to be the bad guy just because she wanted to live a little. I tried to cage a dove. From a different point of view, that must be pretty scary to someone who wants to be carefree. You can’t tie someone down like that. It isn’t fair. Even approaching 35, I’ve clearly still got a lot to learn.
To her endlessly mature credit, a telephone call ensued to explain the situation, and I subsequently find myself in a much better place. It still hurts to know she’s having fun with another guy, but there’s this simple, but oh so powerful word, one that has evaded me for the longest time both with regard to girls, and the death of my parents. Acceptance.
And so I sit, nursing a sore head having fallen off the wagon, about to return to the horse ranch and drop off the grid for a while. But I go safe in the knowledge that things are better. I’ve stopped telling the same stories to gain a validation from strangers to replace my mum and dad. I’ve stopped blaming myself. My hard-drinking days are numbered. I’ve let go. And I’ve let her go too. Maybe one day she might return, but for now I’m happy she’s happy. If you love someone set them free.
For a long time I thought I was ready to find that special girl, but just as much as she’s not ready for a serious relationship, actually neither am I. There’s a lot of work to be done on this human – internally and externally – so I better get cracking. I’m going dark for the next couple of months. Take care of yourselves dear readers. I won’t be the same person when we speak again. Especially if I manage to fall off a horse. Oh the irony.
See you on the other side. I’m going to look for Stu.